Just Jokin'

[ellanoize]

NEW PASTOR

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one
house it Seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to
his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card
and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his
card Had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message,"Genesis
3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales
of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis
3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was
naked."

<font color="#000002" size="1">[ January 25, 2008 10:29 AM: Message edited by: cherrysmum ]</font>

[ellanoize]

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

[cherriesmum]

hahahahha...I'd like one of those..

[mr rogie]

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.



"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.



Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT

[cherriesmum]

that is good to know....too bad you have to play tricks like that LOL

[cherrysis]

It really is...I recently found when my sister had a seizure that the enhanced 911 system is for crap in someplace. They kept asking questions BEFORE they were willing to send someone rolling that direction. Unfortunately (I wasn't there) the person trying to answer said questions was a hairdressers with no formal knowledge of my sister WTF????

[cherriesmum]

groaaaannnnnnnnning...*tossing popcorn at rog*

[ellanoize]

After getting all Pope John-Paul II's luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh,wonderful. Now I'm really gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches,but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that - he's really important," said the cop.

"All the more reason."

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

"What'd ya think there, the Mayor?"

"Bigger."

"The Governor?"

"Bigger.",

"Who is it?"

"I think it's God!"

"What makes you think it's God?"

"Well, He's got the Pope driving for Him!"

[cherrysis]

Are you saying he needs to do better than that [img]wink.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the Frenchman's neck and said, "Do you have any last words?"

He said, "No."

They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river.

Then they tied the same rope around the redneck's neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?"

He said, "Yes, shorten up that rope boys 'cause I can't swim."